3 reasons why your feedback is failing (and how to fix it)

Reading time: 3.5 minutes. 

I have good news and not-so-great news.

Not-so-great news first. If you manage people, your job is to share constructive feedback with them. There's no escaping this fact. Things will get awkward. That's ok. 

And now for the good news. You (yes, you) can improve your feedback by fixing three common (but critical) mistakes. This post will show you step-by-step how to do that. 

Mistake #1: You don't know if your employee is ready.

When it comes to giving feedback. Your timing is everything. 

Just because you’re ready to give feedback doesn't mean your employee is ready to receive it. The (very) first thing you want to do is find out if they're in the right mindset to receive your constructive feedback. 

The following prompts will help you get your timing right.

1. "I have some feedback on X. Are you open to hearing it?"
2. "What's a good time for me to share my feedback with you?"
3. "I have some thoughts on X. What's a good time to talk about it?"

The takeaway: The same message shared at the right time lands much better than the same message shared at the wrong time. Before giving your feedback, do a pulse check to make sure your direct report is ready for your feedback.  

Mistake #2: You're not sharing your intention.

This is one of the biggest (if not the biggest) mistakes managers make. They don't ease into their message. They dive straight in. 

• “You’re missing deadlines.”
• “You’re doing it wrong.”
• “You're late again.”

A better way to begin your message is by stating your intention. Starting your message by stating your intention makes it easy for the other person to digest your feedback. It tells your employee that you're on their side, and your intention is to help, not hurt them.

Here are some examples of intentions to share: 

1. “I’m sharing this feedback because I want the best for you.”
2. “I’m noticing a blindspot. I’m sharing my feedback to help you see it for yourself.”
3. “I’m sharing this feedback because I want you to know what I’m seeing/hearing.”
4. “I’m sharing these comments because I have very high expectations of you, and I know you can reach them.”

The takeaway: Sharing your intention signals to your direct report that you're on their side. You're sharing this feedback because you want them to succeed. Before giving feedback, prepare your intention. It'll help you land your feedback better. 

Mistake #3: You're not stating the impact.

Your feedback is incomplete if it doesn't address the impact of the person's behavior.

Imagine your direct report dials in 10 minutes late to a very important client call. Their behavior, in this case, is clear: They were late. 

But stating the behavior isn't a complete message. You also have to tell them the "impact" of dialing in late: 

The takeaway: Adding the impact to your message helps your direct report understand "what's at stake." It gives them a complete picture. It also helps them improve faster. 

Don't let the awkwardness of giving feedback stop you from giving feedback. I'm convinced that if you can avoid making these three mistakes, you'll start giving rich, compassionate feedback in no time.

I'm always rooting for you.

Ali