I was very nervous before my first board meeting. 

My imposter syndrome was loud.

A wise friend said something I haven’t forgotten.

"Ali, If you think you don’t belong, no one will think you belong.”

I now share similar guidance with my coaching clients who are trying to find confidence to speak up in stressful situations. 

Today I’m sharing three tactics to help you calm your nerves and speak with confidence in any stressful meeting.

1. Remind yourself

2. Acclimate yourself

3. Be patient with yourself.

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1. Remind yourself.

Here's a little secret — What you do before a stressful meeting is as important as what you do during it.

Before entering a stressful meeting, remind yourself that you’re here for a reason. For example: 

• "I’m here to share my expertise."
• "I’m here to add value to the group."
• "I’m here to make a contribution."

If a self-limiting thought crosses your mind. Gently remind yourself that you belong. You’re here to contribute.

2. Acclimate yourself

For in-person meetings try to get to the room early. This will help you scan the room and settle in a comfortable seat at the table. Your brain also calms down as it gets a head start acclimating to its surroundings. 

For virtual meetings try to log in before time. Find another participant and try to make a small connection. The goal isn't to share something earth shattering. (Trite is fine). The goal is to get yourself talking. The physical act of talking will also help you relax.

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3. Be patient with yourself

If you want to be heard, you have to make the other person heard first. A client of mine is a master at this skill. He listens patiently with undivided attention. When he speaks, people do the same. Psychologists call this behavior “reciprocity". Reciprocity is a powerful influencing tool.

Impatience is the opposite of influence. Avoid rushing the other person while they’re speaking. Allow the person to finish making their point. Once they're done. Pause briefly. Why? The pause is a powerful tactic. It signals poise and composure. It also tells the the other person you're listening and digesting.

At the end of the day it matters less what the world thinks of you. It matters more what you think of yourself.

Today’s a great day to remind yourself. You belong at the table.

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Keep leading.