How to get your boss to give you feedback.

A reader asked me an important question.

"My boss is a mystery. I really don't know what he thinks of my work. How do I get him to open up and share?"

The boss-that-never-shares-feedback is a common fixture in the workplace. Sigh.

If they do share, they use empty-calorie words such as "fine," "good," or "OK." UGH!

Dear Reader, you have more control than you think. Today I'm sharing four tactics to extract feedback from your boss.

TACTIC #1: Frame your ask

It's good to tell your boss "why" you're requesting their feedback before making the request.

My ex-boss was an expert negotiator. I wasn't. I wanted to learn his secrets, so I made it obvious.

"Hi boss, I've noticed you're good at negotiating contracts. I'm trying to get better myself. From what you've seen so far on our vendor calls. Is there anything you'd like me to do differently?"

Your goal isn't to suck up. The goal is to remind your manager that you're trying to improve and need access to their information.

TACTIC #2: Establish a feedback rhythm

Engineering teams are great at establishing a feedback rhythm. After shipping a feature, they get together and ask:

What's one thing that worked?
What's one thing that didn't work?

You can do a similar exercise with your manager. At the end of a big project, you can ask:

"What's one thing you'd like me to do differently?"
"What's one thing you think I'm doing well?"

Another exercise is the stop, start, continue:

What's one thing I should start doing?
What's one thing I should stop doing?
What's one thing I should continue doing?

Don't overthink this exercise. Your goal is to turn this into a habit. Pick the same questions and the same time to ask them.

TACTIC #3: Use specific questions

Practice getting specific with your questions. The goal isn't to get an answer from your boss. The goal is to get a specific answer from your boss.

🚫 Avoid: "Do you have any feedback for me?"

✅ Try: "What's one thing I can do to improve X?"

The difference is self-explanatory. The first question will get you information, but it might not be valuable. The second question will get you targeted information you can apply today.

TACTIC #4: A/B test your manager

The job of a good manager is to offer feedback. However, some (mostly new) managers are uncomfortable with the term "feedback."

If your manager gets squeamish with the thought of giving feedback. Drop the term "feedback" and replace it with the following:

"I'm looking for direction."
"Do you have any opinion?"
"I'd love your guidance."
"Can you share some advice"?

Once you land on a term that works with your boss, chances are they'll be more at ease and start sharing. The trick is to keep experimenting.

You have blindspots and your manager knows them. One of the fastest ways to grow is by busting your blindspots. Extracting valuable feedback from your manager will help you do that.

Finally. Please don't expect your manager to change. They won't. But you can. Pick one tactic and start experimenting. You owe it to yourself.

Keep leading,

Ali

Lead Today. Not Someday

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